Love Hate

Our poor, kind landlord has been working all day on the plumbing himself.  Our apartment looks a demolition site, smells like a porta-potty and sounds like the inside of a jet engine.  The toilet seemed to be clogged all night long.   We all had to go down the hall to my parents studio apartment to use theirs.  When I went to get in the shower this morning, the contents of the bathtub were...well...the contents of the toilet.  Okay, I can do without a shower for another day.

Dad studying Russian on the soccer field

The drive to the orphanage was, as always, a challenge to see if you can hold on to the contents of your stomach.  It is always a non-stop game of chicken. At any rate, it was cheaper because he cut 5 minutes of the ride.  We got to the orphanage at 11am to see a special presentation for Russian Week on Alexander Pushkin and Crimea in which Liza had a speaking part.  The assembly, which looked like 100 students participating, was fantastic.  They lack many things, but a good education is not one of them.  I can't speak for other orphanages but this one is filled with loving authorities who do their best to fill gaps in their charges' young lives.  A few of the kids even had English lines. Liza is a very calm public speaker; no nerves, no forgotten lines, no flushed cheeks.  She was brilliant.  We were so proud of her.  She was exceptionally glad that we were there.  We were the center of attention as all the children knew we were her family.  It is rare for them to have anyone else in the audience but students and teachers.  She was super chatty during our brief time with her and even played soccer with us today.

The assembly room filling up with students

Liza giving her speech :)

Our 4 girls playing soccer together

Our daily walk

She had a busy rest of the day so we left there and went to bowl for an hour.  They were not happy to see us.  A new woman behind the counter glared at us, rolled her eyes and took every opportunity to look exasperated.  We were conversing with her in Russian, we knew the routine of covering our shoes with little stocking booties and planned to feed all 8 of us lunch there, but that was not enough to make us valued customers.  It feels bad to be unwanted.

The kids wanted to walk through the part on the way back and ride the bumper cars but we realized halfway there that we had only 17 UAH left.  The facilitators aren't answering their phones this evening and seem to have thrown in the towel on moving up our court date.  They were supposed to find out if we could have special permission to take Liza out for her legal birthday tomorrow.  But at the moment it looks like our 16th wedding  anniversary and opportunity to be with her for one of her two birthdays is going to be mirror every other day here.  We will get a few hours to walk around the grounds, kick the soccer ball, watch a movie on a 6 inch screen.  That one is hitting a little harder and not so easy to tune out.

Our daily despondency hit us on the rest of the walk back through the city.  Most of each day we try to focus on a plan, execute our chores and errands and visits, read a book, talk about the future, explore something. And then...then thoughts of home creep in, fatigue tugs at our eyelids and we wish for our own beds; the city noise jumps on our one remaining nerve and we dream of a few minutes of peace; hunger pains twinge and we crave a real home cooked meal.  When we arrived at the apartment we found the landlord drilling something in the dismantled bathroom.  Sigh.

A little levity goes a long way

We have a love hate relationship with Ukraine.  We are here for a beautiful purpose and we get to see our sweet girl for a few hours a day, but there are forces here that deliberately delay the goal of getting her home.  The culture is unique and fascinating, the food is fresh, we are here all together in the same place, we are learning a new language, we are growing as people.  Though so much of this process doesn't make an ounce of sense to me.  I don't know why their system is such that families go home financially and emotionally exhausted with their new child(ren).  We are both.  I don't know if I've ever in my life been challenged physically, spiritually, & emotionally like this before.  Tuning out the noise (literally and figuratively) is a constant effort.  Minute to minute.  It has been 19 days since we left home, almost three weeks.  At least three weeks left to go.  I'm still waiting to round the corner to a state of peacefulness.

****************************

6 hours later...We decided to pressure the facilitators into at least trying to get Liza a day pass with us tomorrow for her legal b'day and our anniversary.  Sixteen for both.  Sixteen feels momentous.  She is the reason we are here and yet we spent most of our time neither with her nor accomplishing anything for the process.  If we don't speak up for ourselves, no one is going to speak up for us.  Sparring the tough Ukrainian exterior of the people here has thickened our skin, tremendously. The facilitators are saying they think we can take her to lunch and a movie tomorrow.  Hanging on to that hope tonight.

Court is set for Tuesday, December 4th.  That's not what we prayed for and we feel disappointed about five more wasted days.  I've been asking God a lot of  two year old "why" questions.  The facilitator told us tonight that she is meeting with the judge tomorrow.  She said it's to go over paperwork.  You have to understand that they have had our dossier here in Ukraine for 2 solid months.  And still they go over it, and still they make us wait, and still we are "not the parents".  I realize I sound entirely impatient.   I don't care.  I HATE the fact that this is status quo here.  Hate it.

Big Sister

классный.  The word I heard several times today from Liza.  It means "cool", and from her, it comes accompanied by a sweet smile that attempts to subdue some of the underlying excitement she's feeling.  Today, things with her were definitely классный (klassnyy).

Despite the non-stop feeling that we have no control of our lives here while wait this process out, today was a pretty decent day on other fronts.  Determined not to wallow in our inactivity, we started the day with some PT.  Reagan and Gordon went for a run through the busy city streets where only the clinically insane drive.  I returned to my Cold War gym to spend some time on the treadmill and trying not to contract tetanus from the rusted weights.  This is the same gym that requires one to bring a clean pair of sneakers to wear inside and yet offers no soap or paper towels in the bathrooms leaving you wondering at how many staph infections originate there.  But at least my shoes were clean.

We found an interesting outdoor bazaar where all manner of goods are sold (including passports, assorted stinky fish, appliances, name brand knock-offs and amazing Ukrainian food).  After picking up some chicken kabobs and rice with vegetables and beef for about $8 (for 8 people!), we ate in the apartment and I took the girls to the orphanage with Sherrie.  Reagan stayed back with an exhausted Keeper while she nursed a strained hammy from stumbling on one of the innumerable frost heaves along the streets.

The ride over to the orphanage was interesting.  We had the first ever talkative cab driver.  He didn't speak a lick of English but was thrilled to carry on a conversation with me and my limited Russian.  There are some really interesting things we've all noticed about people here in Ukraine from the moment we got off the plane.  1) The percentage of attractive women in Ukraine is ridiculously high.  It's like there's a model convention across the entire country.  (Sherrie pointed this out, not me!).  2)  Probably 80% of adults smoke. 3) Very, very few adults smile.  Ever.  In fact, everyone looks miserable.  I can't imagine why.  4) Everyone greets you on the street with the customary "здравствуйте" which means "hello".  And yet, after said greeting, nobody really wants anything to do with you.  Which is what made our ride with this particular cabbie out-of-the-ordinary.

Arriving for our daily visit at the orphanage, we were greeted by a mass of boys who were eager to play soccer with the three sporty girls (October, Isabel and Mercy).  Liza asked me if I wanted to go play with her also - until she glimpsed my Kindle and then said "movie?".  Sure, why not.  We sat down and started watching "Snow White and the Huntsman".  She has no idea who Snow White is but got into the movie.  A few moments later, some older boys came out onto the field and started pushing our kids off and teasing them, taking the ball and making hissing noises.  Liza said, "Uh-oh", got up, marched across the field, chewed them out for 3 minutes in her rapid Russian.  Mama bear in classic form.  Nobody was going to mess with her sisters!  After a little bit, I got up to play with my girls and some of the boys - just to make my presence known as well.  You know, kids don't make the best choices even when they have solid, stable families.  It's hard to get mad at them when they have no families to instill values or ethics.  Nevertheless, she was mad.  And they listened to her and made space for our kids, not bothering them again.  When you are a day away from 16 in an orphanage, you rule the roost.  The other kids listen to you.

Liza returned to me and I was so proud of her.  I said in the best Russian I could muster, "You are a very good big sister."  She looked at me curiously, "me?"
"Yes, you."
"Oh." She said and walked past as an enormous smile grew across her face.

I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking at that moment.  Never being the big sister, but now...  I walked over to her and said, "They need you, too."
"Who?"
"Your sisters.  They need you."
More smiles.  It's so hard not to be emotional every step of this journey.  Seeing the mental evolution of someone who has never had family, to step into one.  And into a role that requires a bit of responsibility too, as a big sister.  There is so much joy in becoming family with someone who desperately wants one and to show them how the need for the relationship is not one-sided.

 We returned to our movie but before long, she looked at me and said, "Concert tomorrow.  Me no 'la-la-la'.  Me 'blah-blah-blah'".
I asked, "What time does it begin?"
"Eleven.  Maybe Twelve.  You come?"
"Of course!  We will want to see you!"
She smiled her great big smile and said "Good".

After spending some time watching our movie, Liza paused and looked at me like she had something important to ask.  She walked through the number of days that remain before she can come be with us forever.  She had a few numbers off in terms of days, but I told her what we thought our remaining schedule looked like.  Afterwards, I said "you've been here a long time already."
She answered, "Ten years."
"That's too long." I said.

"Yes."

Zombies

Liza has been very happy the past two days and our visits precious.  She is calling out "Mommy" or "Daddy" more and more like it is second nature.  Priceless.  We have all enjoyed hanging out with the other American family and their new children because we all have that in common.  When you don't understand the language where you are, having anything in common with anyone is a more sizable blessing than usual.  She is ready to leave here though and would pack her bags today if it would do any good.

There are a few boys that we have become attached to and are bringing treats to each time we visit.  They looks for us and do what we do, even when it's frigid outside.  There were games of tag and king of the hill and soccer going on this afternoon.  Most of the children have between 2 and 4:30 pm for free time.  That is the only time we can visit on a weekday. Then they have homework in study halls before dinner which they take in cycles.  Liza's isn't until 7pm.   She and a boy who will soon be adopted into a family from California had a ridiculously good time playing with the zombie app on Tom's phone right before we left.

Speaking of Zombies, we're all feeling a little like that ourselves.  First me, then Isabel, then my Mom and now Tom have all had a bug of some kind that gave us a terrible stomach ache and joint pain.  Mom stayed in bed most of today.  Then she got up and as she's done every night, cooked us dinner.  It's so incredibly nice to come back to after several hours with the cold settling into our bones at the orphanage.  I don't know what shape we'd be in right now without my parents here.  Several of us are struggling to get any sleep and waking with backaches and bothersome discs.  Everyone seems to be tired all the time.  What little we're doing burns more calories and spends more emotion than it does at home.  For all of us, it's easy to lose track of the days.  Our new friend said it's like Ground Hogs Day and that is a true statement.  Everything is starting to blur together while we are missing our favorite time of year at home.  My husband said that we're bored, which is probably true some of the time.  But for me, it's not boredom so much as uselessness.

Liza told us she's in a play of some sort on Thursday morning.  We're trying to wrangle an invite from the powers that be and then head to the Black Sea for the day.  She's not allowed to go with us at all anymore until after court because as we are reminded frequently, "You are not ze parents, you are not ze parents, you are not ze parents" until AFTER the 10 day waiting period is over.

She made her first request to us since we've been here.  She said, "I want...you and you and me...go to my house...posley sud (after court)."  She hasn't seen her mother's house in nearly 10 years.  She wants one last look and a photograph.

Me & Liza doing our daily walk around the property

An Onerous Case of Ennui

A few years ago, I wrote a poem on my iPhone while waiting in the DMV.  It was aptly entitled, "An Onerous Case of Ennui". It was about a guy, bored to death while waiting in the DMV, imagining an entirely fantastic alternate reality.  Lately, I've felt like writing a sequel.

Today marks two weeks since Sherrie and I arrived in Ukraine.  After the passport fiasco, the first week was nonstop activity to get things moving: SDA appointment, travel to the region, separation petition and process, submission of positive summary back to the SDA in Kiev.  Now, we're at the point that our adoption agency's travel guide warned when it said "you will have a lot of down time."  And you could say we're bored out of our minds.  And when you get really, really bored and see no relief in sight, it starts to make you angry.  So you become bored AND angry.  We're in an apartment with not enough seats for everyone to sit down, not enough technology to keep everyone entertained, not enough room to store more than a day's worth of food.  We don't have enough hot water to shower everyone and even if we did, we don't have enough towels to dry off.  We don't have enough fluency to enjoy TV or a movie, have an easy conversation with a native or easily order food from a menu.  We don't have enough signal strength to stay on Facebook for more than 20 minutes, use Skype without dropping or watch YouTube without stalling.  To top it all off, the food we're used to eating is not readily available.  While it makes for great family time, we're utterly bored.

We had a great time bowling on Thanksgiving - and it was cheap. Around $8 for 6 people to play for an hour.  It's only about a mile away and our kids love it so we decided to walk through the park and then spend some time bowling again today.  While we were there, our facilitators came by to discuss the week ahead.

Bad news: there has been a 5-business day rule that the SDA (in Kiev) adheres to when it comes to reviewing adoption summaries.  The SDA approval is required for a local court date.  Today, our facilitator told us that the 5-day rule was an unwritten one.  It was an internal policy that the prior director of the SDA adhered to but now there is a new elected head of the SDA.  The response to the request to abide by the 5 day rule is, "where is it written"?  Well, it's not.  Therefore, the SDA can return our approval whenever they feel like it.  In essence, the court date we hoped for late this week, probably won't come until sometime next week.  Translation:  more boredom.

So we headed off to the orphanage to visit Liza and follow up on yesterday's whopper of a day.  Last night had been rough for her and rough for us too in the wake of meeting her biological mother. Around 8PM we couldn't bear the thought of her being there without anyone to talk with about what had happened and yet, with our limited linguistics, we didn't know what we could say anyway.  Nevertheless, we called Liza on the cell phone we left with her. We spoke in Russian, Liza in English. Reagan spoke first, 

"Liza? It's Mommy."  

"Hi Mommy." 

"How are you?"

"I good."

"Yeah?  I love you."

"Me too."

"Daddy wants to tell you something."

Me: "Liza, it's Papa.  Are you OK?"

"Yes"

"We want you to know that we have been thinking about you a lot tonight."

"Yes, I understand you"

"We know that today was a very hard day for you."

"Yes."

"I know it is difficult for us to communicate right now - to understand each other. It will not always be so."

"Yes.  I know."

"I love you, my daughter."

"Thank you Daddy. Me too."

When we arrived this afternoon, we were greeted with a smiling, happy Liza.  We walked down to the soccer field where she pointed to a man playing soccer with some kids.

She nodded toward him, "American".

I recognized him from the grocery store the other night.  I had seen a man in line ahead of me at the checkout.  He hadn't spoken to the cashier at all (first clue) and when he took out his Ukrainian money, I had glimpsed a greenback. 

 I called out to him and we struck up a conversation. It turns out he's not only American, but he's from the Charlotte area, just a couple hours away from us.  Only, he's already been here 6 weeks for his adoption of two teenage kids.  And he was here in April when he and his wife came to adopt two other kids.  Yep, they're adopting 4 kids from Ukraine inside of a year. They have 10 kids in total.  Wow.  And a huge heart for adoption (obviously).  He is here now with his 14 year old daughter.  We talked about how obscenely boring it is to be an American here.  Since they already had their court date, they were able to keep the two kids they're adopting with them overnight at their apartment.  He said that on Sunday afternoon, as they realized the time was approaching to return to the orphanage, the kids just clammed up and were quiet the rest of the day, dreading it.

I have to admit, when you get here and you meet these kids and get to know them, it is REALLY hard to not want to take some home with you.  They are so sweet and funny and fun - and yet wounded and sad and alone.  Most have never known true family.  Most have never known parents who love and support them.  Many have never known parents who care for their physical needs. They rely on each other for love and support.  The girls walk around holding hands.  The boys move in packs.  They rely on the State for their physical needs. But even then, it's absolutely minimal.  In the US, poverty can be defined as not having enough money to buy an iPad or to go on vacation every year.  But here...  These children own *nothing*.  They wear clothes from a community closet.  Whatever is given to them is taken away or stolen.  They are allowed one shower per week.  Meals are not very exciting - soup, bread and a piece of fruit was on yesterday's menu.  Medical procedures go unperformed unless they are life threatening. Liza has chronic tonsilitis.  Something that could have been easily resolved if they had been removed years ago.  Not only do they have no possessions.  They have no family.  This is true poverty.

To parallel this experience, on of our twins, Isabel has taken to a cuddly stray cat who she looks for every time we arrive at the orphanage.  The cat is sweet and soft but without a home.  It stays perched on a rusty hot water pipe that runs behind one of the orphanage buildings so it won't freeze overnight.  As soon as she picks up the cat, it nuzzles right up to her neck and purrs.  It wants to be loved and it wants a home.  And she wants to take it home. This is why we brought our kids here.  To see all this.  To see how great they have it. To see what true poverty is.  She announced the other day that she wants to study Russian, become a missionary to Ukraine and come back here to start a shelter for all the stray cats and dogs that walk the streets.  That makes me a proud Papa.

As we walked back up from the bleak, dusty soccer field, I looked around at the old, dilapidated orphanage buildings and thought, "Wow, there is really nothing to do at this place.  Liza has lived here for nearly 10 years.  What in the world does she do?  She must be utterly bored.  Like me."  Then I felt really terrible for thinking that selfish thought, because I have a family.

Do Svidaniya

The last thing I expected to do today was meet Liza's mother.  In fact I never expected to meet her.  Based on what we have been told and have seen, this meeting would have only resulted from our request and long drive.  When I asked a week ago if Liza would be seeing her at all in this process, I was told it would be a bad thing to allow before our court date.  After that, obviously, it would have to be something Liza wanted.  She had said she wanted to see her house one last time, which is an hour's drive, but not mention her mother.  I did not want to force it but I knew that it would be a healthy step in her ability to move forward in her own life.

We had told her that her brother would be coming today, to say goodbye.  She knew we were coming as we visit every day.  Walking in we found not her older brother "R", but her younger (6 yr old) brother "N" who still lives at home.  He was sitting in her lap at a table in the lobby.  I thought he was a boy from the orphanage she was loving on.  I thought the women at the table were the elderly cleaning ladies.  She gestured across the table with an uncertain expression and said, "Mama."

What I was hearing wasn't lining up with what I was seeing.  This woman didn't look 36.  She didn't look like the mother of a six year old.  Far beyond it.  She was not at all what I expected and I can't even tell you what that was anyway.  Not once in all this time have I considered this most anticipated, sometimes dreaded, awkward and emotional moment in adoption.  It wasn't supposed to be part of our story.  Meeting the woman who gave birth to the child you call your own is....indescribable.

It throws your whole sense of certainty off even while you are glad for it and the knowledge and closure it brings.  Here you are bonding with and adjusting to your new child, not in a hospital room with no intervention or outside influence, but in an institution that does not even recognize you as a legally valid presence.  And suddenly there's this woman who gave birth to her and then repeatedly rejected her.  And you don't know how to feel.

Well I don't.  I don't think Liza did either.  She had no warning and hasn't seen her in I don't know how long. Years.  It is something I wanted for Liza.  But she looked shell shocked the rest of our visit.  It's different I think when it is not an infant who hasn't been harmed; but a child who is nearly grown with countless scars.  We had no interpreter and had all but lost the power of speech; certainly bilingual speech.  All I could do was squeeze her mother's hand, look into her eyes and give her all I had to give: a picture of Liza in her new home.  She took it with a smile, said "До свидания.  счастливый" (Goodbye.  Happy.) and walked to the bus that would take her 120 km back home.

Liza said goodbye to 2 brothers and a mother today, not for the first time, but maybe for the last.  Leaving her there today of all days tore my heart out.

Not Everything Good is Beautiful

Day 14.  Captain's log.  Just kidding. I am definitely not flying this plane.  If I were, we'd be home right now with Liza already settled in her new bedroom.  I'm not nearly as creative as all this.  My idea of adventure is cleaning the chicken coop, maybe building a new garden bed.  My idea of Thanksgiving weekend is spending every waking moment in my kitchen then putting up the Christmas tree.  This is a departure from everything I know.

for Mommy from Liza

Being an Army brat, living in a new place, even a foreign culture, is not frightening to me.  I lived in Germany for four years as a child and something about it stuck in my heart.  I love to travel.  I love exploring.  I love people.  I know enough Russian to get around, order a meal, talk to the taxi driver.  There are so many good souls here.  It is not a dangerous place.  At least it's no more dangerous than Raleigh.  The problem comes for me in not being in control and having a moving target for a return date.  We are rather independent people, but also Americans and homeschoolers to boot.  That is to say, we are therefore unaccustomed to being bossed around.  Yes, I'm calling Ukrainian people bossy :)  There are a lot of rules in this process and we don't get a say in ANY of it.  That's a hard pill to swallow.

It is, however, absolutely necessary when adopting an older child, especially a teenager, from a foreign country to live in and be immersed in that culture for some period of time.  This place shaped her into the person that she is, a stunningly beautiful person. She is who she is because good, God-sent people here have loved on her and protected her to the best of their ability.  I need to know this place, this language, this culture to know her.  I need to have love for this place, this language, this culture to love her.  Last night her chaperon from the summer program, who is the school psychologist, told us a sad story.  She said that another child who'd been adopted from this school a few years ago had parents who cut him off from all contact with Ukrainian relationships after they got him Stateside.  Obviously that upset her deeply.  I hope there were really good reasons for making that decision because I think it was a dangerous one.  I cannot in good conscience throw away the mold that shaped her.

A few days ago Liza had a falling out with her "besta besta friend".  I don't know why.  Wish I did.  With my American children I use carefully chosen, carefully placed, carefully toned words to communicate.  I can't do that with her.  Twice I've asked two different translators to help me talk to her about it because I think it's important.  It's important for me to hear what's hurting her and to tell her not to leave the country with a broken relationship.  While they communicated her "it's no big deal" response, they inserted they're own opinions into their translation.  They added their own, "It's no big deal" tone.  Actually, they said the words, "It's no big deal" in this instance.  I have never, not once, communicated with Liza *without* someone else's influence in the communication.  I cannot talk to my own daughter about what's bothering her or give her advice or even pray with her in a way she can understand without help.  My first thought was, "*I'll* decide what's no big deal, not you."  It made me mad.

Still does.  Though now I am also thinking about all the ways that our words get in the way.  How many times do we rely solely on the words and ignore the method, the tone, the situation, the body language, the emotions, the eye contact, the personality, the *Scriptures*?  If she told me that it was her best friend that gave her the black eye, would that change my advice?  Would it suddenly be okay to leave without extending forgiveness? Would it change anything? or everything?

How is the absence of words going to change my ability to be a mother?

There are some people reading this blog who seem to want us to say only happy things about adoption.  If that's your expectation, we don't know each other very well.  If you think Tom and I are heroic somehow or that this is inspirational entertainment, I need to tell you that this is not a Disney movie or a Thomas Kinkade painting.  It is a hard, hard thing even though it accomplishes God's will.  We are humans who will struggle through it every step of the way.  We have good days and bad days here.  We are going to be real with you but that does not mean we're about to hop the next plane home.  Give us room to feel what we need to feel.  Liza is going to need that when we get her home, too.  I want people in her life that will validate what she's feeling as she adjusts.  Quote scripture to us, write poems down for us, send us song lyrics and YouTube links, but don't oversimplify our situation and reduce it to a walk in the park.  Don't be quick to hand out advice.  Conversely don't attribute the goodness here to Tom or me, or even Liza.  We *will* disappoint you.  This is God's.

Not everything is beautiful to look at all the time.  That doesn't mean it is without purpose.  That doesn't mean it will not be beautiful one day.

Enough to Spare

She came.  Liza's sister, V, arrived at the orphanage at 8am even thought we weren't coming until 10:30.  I think she was excited.  Our facilitator came to get just me at 10 to go sign a permission form to take Liza off the grounds.  When I arrived however they were nowhere to be found.  I walked the grounds, asked ladies in the dormitory and school, but nobody knew where they were.  We stood outside with the social worker for 30 minutes getting increasingly worried that our day was jeopardized.  But just as we were about to start driving around searching the neighborhood, a bell rang and they both walked out of the very building at which we'd been waiting. She'd been asked by a teacher to supervise some little people and wasn't in her correct classroom.  Phew.

I made sure the social worker knew she had the black eye so she wouldn't think she'd gotten it with us.   She said Liza swears she wasn't hit but fell.  She also had a cut on her gums on that side of her face and hurt her hand.  Who knows. I had to sign a form saying I was responsible for her safety.

We gave the girls the 10 second tour of the apartment before heading to the restaurant we'd checked out and pre-ordered from the night before.  It was really fantastic.  They were waiting for us and had a table set on an upstairs loft for our private use.  We didn't even have to share our restaurant Thanksgiving.  They brought out courses one at a time; first Greek and Caesar salads, the Boullion or Borscht, then mashed potatoes and roast chicken, then cappucinos with heart and animal shaped cream dollups.  It was not a traditional Thanksgiving but it was fitting.  A new tradition with a new family.

It felt like family even with our facilitator interpreting throughout dinner.  She's a stitch by the way.  Speaks 5 languages!  We explained the history and tradition of Thanksgiving and the girls ate every bite.  Language is not a 'barrier' but a tool, even when we don't share it with the person to whom we are communicating.  It's making us working harder to understand each other and also giving us far more insight into each other's body language and culture.  Paying more attention is a good thing.

During dinner I told V in my simpl Russian "I want to buy something for you.  A gift."  We walked down the street to a shop where she picked out a winter coat, a pair of jeans and a sweater.  Liza very helpfully handed her things to try on so she wouldn't turn us down.  She didn't have to speak English to tell me that.  She smiled at her sister's needs being met as a result of her having a family.

Beli and V

Bowling was an enormous amount of fun. Both girls and some of our American kids had never been bowling before.  Sad but true.  We threw a lot of gutter balls, laughed at each other, broke nails that got stuck in the ball, danced to rap music, and ate cheesecake.

We had to take Liza back earlier than we initially expected.  Maybe we're not trusted yet, maybe it's stricter rules in the government that make the orphanage directors nervous, but we wanted to return her early as a show of good faith.

On the way out I gave V my ring that matches the one I'd given Liza in the summer.  It says "Greater is He that is in me" John 4:4.  I told her to remember what it means and remember us and remember that she can call us any time.  Sometimes I let the translator speak clearly for me, sometimes I need to say the words myself In Russian. I said, "You are my family, too. I love you."  She said she knows that our family is now her home and I love you, too.  She was so willing to be loved today.  She hugged ALL of us all day long.  Us, the kids, my parents.  They soak it up.  Crave it.  Trust it.  Please pray for her.

I drove with the facilitator to bring them back to the school, where V would walk home from.  Tom gave Liza a hug goodbye and said, "I love you."  She said, "You too, Daddy."

Bruises

The last 36 hours have been rough.  We've all had our moments.  Homesick.  Heartsick.  Physically sick.  I've spent the last hour going from one room, one bed, one child to another.  Sometimes it happens that everyone is having a moment simultaneously.  I only wish I could have allowed Liza to have one tonight.

My babies

She had a black eye today.  There was so much make-up on it, I almost didn't see what it was.  Tom did though.  He had one of those instant reactions that I felt stupid later for not having.  He asked her what happened, she said "It's nothing.  Just play.  It was me."  (meaning her own fault).  We had only been at the orphanage with her for 10 minutes when we got a call telling us to rush a copy of her birth certificate back into town and sign some more documents with the inspector.  Sigh.  I told her I was sorry to leave so soon to which she responded, "Its okay.  I'm kheppy."  She has the sweetest Ukrainian accent in her English words.  I kinda hope she never loses it.

I told one of our facilitators about her black eye.  She didn't hesitate to assume it was a fight.  "Probably the kids give her problems about going to U.S.  It happens in orphanages.  But Liza can take care of herself."  It's a toughness here that we don't like to see and they seem to find a necessity.  Why should she take care of herself when we're here?  Then again, maybe we're the reason she had to.  Our other three girls know self defense.  I just don't know if I've ever imagined they'd have to use it.

We turned in our paperwork to the judge here today and should have our court date set by Friday or Monday latest.  Hoping for no later than December 3rd, but I'd go so far as to pray for November 30th.  Sounds like a good anniversary/birthday present to me.  Our urgency to get her out of there has just been amplified.

Watching Thanksgiving posts on Facebook has been hard.  So we went to a restaurant today and set up our meal for tomorrow.  It seems nobody eats turkey here.  Tried to order the duck, but they were out.  Chicken it is.  Again. :)  I will go pick up Liza at 10am hoping her sister accepts our invitation to join us.  First up is a tour of the apartment and hopefully a few minutes for her to check her Facebook mssgs and email from the last three months.  Then lunch, then bowling.  That's right, bowling. :)

ps I finally had to use one of those toilets. :-\  This is an art form I tell you.  There's nothing to hang on to.  No TP.  No instructions.  Not even a good luck sign.

A little Pусский язык

I made a list of the words we have learned (from memory so some are probably missing) so that we could show Liza what we know and she can communicate with us within some framework.  Of course, we are learning lots of new words and phrases each day.  Russian is interesting because the word order is like a Rubik's cube.  You can rearrange words in various ways to put emphasis on certain things you want to stress.  There are 7 forms of each verb as well as masculine, feminine, neuter and plural nouns.  Adjectives and pronouns are modified by the gender of the nouns too.  What I am saying is that to know one verb, you must know 13 different words to express it correctly.  Many languages are like this - but English is not.  And of course, before you can read any of it, you need to learn the Cyrillic alphabet which has 33 letters - many of which are sounds that don't exist in English or sounds that we use multiple letters so express (like "sh", "ch", "ya", etc)

I'm pasting this from a word doc so the format is messed up, but it's mainly for me to be able to remember the list in the future anyway.  If you feel like reading it, knock yourself out.  :)

Tom

Verbs:

                                                                PRESENT TENSE

Singular                                                                Plural                                    

To understand                  1p           Я понимаю                                        Мы понимаем

понять                                 2p           ты понимаешь                                 Вы понимаете

                                                3p           он/онa понимает                           они понимают

понять - to understand                               мочь – to be able / can             видеть – to see

хотеть – to want                              быть – to be                                      ездить – to drive (away)

остаться – to stay                            поесть – to eat                                 пить – to drink

уехать – to leave                             делать - to do                                   думать – to think

купить  - to buy                                                работать – to work                         дать       - to give

любить – to love / like                  пообедать – to eat lunch             поужинать – to eat supper

собираться – to be going to        жить – to live                                     знать – to know

узнать – to learn                              говорить – to speak                       сказать – to tell

повторять – to repeat                   спросить  - to ask                            подождать – to wait

нравиться – like                        стоить – cost                            открыт – is open

закрыт – is closed                            спать – to sleep                                                бежать – to run

читать – to read                               готовить – to cook/prepare        идти – to walk/go

пойти – to go                           

                                                                PAST TENSE (masculine speaker)

Я Делал  – I did                                                Я должен – I must                                          Я видел – I saw

Я ездил – I drove                             я поел – I ate                                                    я приехал – I arrived /came

PAST TENSE (feminine speaker)

Я Делалa  – I did                              Я должна – I must                                           Я виделa – I saw

Я ездилa – I drove                          я поелa – I ate                                                  я приехалa – I arrived /came

Nouns:

Воды – water                                    кола – cola (soda)                           кофе – coffee

Молоко – milk                                  Бутерброд – sandwich                 яйца – eggs                       

Хлеб – bread                                     курица – chicken                             мясо – meat

Яблоко – apple                                                рис – rice                                             чай – tea (‘chay’)

eда – food                                машина – car                            бензин – gasoline

литр – liter                                         американец – American русский – Russian

русский язык – Russian Lang    деньги  - money                        долларов – dollars

знакомый – acquaintance          жена – wife                               муж – husband

дочь – daughter                        сын – son                                 дети – children

девушка – girl                           мальчик – boy                          женщина – woman

мужчина – man                         человек – person                      семья – family

собака – dog                            дней – days                              недель – weeks

километр – kilometer                дорога – road                           улица – street

площадь – square                    достаточно – enough               время – time

зовут – called (name)                город – city                              ресторан – restaurant

завтра – tomorrow                    сегодня – today                        вчера – yesterday

вечер – evening                        утро – morning                         магазин – store

универмаг – department store   туалет – bathroom                    кухня – kitchen

душ – shower                            стул – chair / stool                    телефон - telephone

телевидение – television           одежда – clothes                      аэропорт – airport

паспорт – passport                   виза – visa                                билет – ticket

музыка – music                         гимназия – gym                        фитнес – fitness / fitness center

ничего – nothing                       дом – home / house                  школа  - school

слово/слова – word/words       газета – newspaper                   журнал – magazine

книга – book                             велосипед – bicycle                 кошка – cat

ручка – a pen                          

Pronouns:

Что – what                                кто = who                                 это – it / that

eго – him / his                           ее – her                                    он / она – he / she

они – they                                 моя / мой – my                         ваш / вашa – your                    

наш / наша – our                       я – I                                          их - their

Adverbs:

kак – How                                 где = Where                              почему = why              

немного – a little / some            mного – a lot / much                 несколько – a few       

слишком – too / excessive        тоже – too / also                       уже – already

там – there / over there              здесь – here                             еще – yet/still

так – so                                    очень – very                             только – only

потом – afterwards                   позже – later                             поздно – late

сегодня – today                        быстро – quickly                      быстрее – more quickly

хорошо – good                                    плохо – bad                             Сейчас – now

к сожалению – unfortunately     вот – here (you go)                   с удовольствием – with pleasure

конечно – of course

Conjunctions:

потому что – because             Сколько – how much                когда – when

но – but                                    какая – which (one?)

Adjectives:

Холодный – cold                             большой – big                                  маленький – little

Дорого – expensive                       дороже – more expensive         

Numbers:

Один – one                                        два – two                                            три – three

Четыре – four                                   пять – five                                          шесть   - six

Семь – seven                                    восемь – eight                                  девять – nine

Десять – ten                                      -надцать – eleven –> nineteen двадцать – twenty

Тридцать – thirty                             сорок – forty                                     пятьдесят – fifty

Шестьдесят – sixty                         семьдесят – seventy                     восемьдесят – eighty

Девяносто – ninety                        сто – one hundred                          двести – two hundred

Триста – three hundred                               четыреста – four hundred          пятьсот – five hundred

Шестьсот – six hundred                               семьсот – seven hundred           восемьсот – eight hundred

Девятьсот – nine hundred          тысяча – one thousand                 тысячи – two –> four  thousand

Тысяч – five thousand +

Days:

Понедельник – Monday             вторник – Tuesday                         среда – Wednesday

Четверг – Thursday                        пятница - Friday

Interjections:

Войдите – come in                    право – really? Is that right?     

Phrases:

Hello (formal) – здравствуйте

Hi – привет

How are you? (formal) - Как поживаете?

How are you? (informal) - как дела?

What time is it?   - который  час?                             

It is 1 o’clock    -   Сейчас один час

Good morning   -   доброе утро

Good day    -    добрый день

Good evening   -   добрый вечер

I think so    -     я так думаю

Do you like…  -   Вам нравится

I don’t want anything    -     Я ничего не хочу

How long (how much time)…   сколько времени

I am called (my name is)   -   меня зовут

What is your name?  -   как вас зовут?

Excuse me   -   извините

Pleased to meet you…  очень приятно

What does it/that mean  -  Что это значит?

Not yet    -   еще неt   -  

How much do I owe?   -  сколько с меня?

To go visit (someone) / to go as a guest - пойти в гостя

After that  -  после этого

Before that  -  до этого